Thursday, 23 June 2011

Clever Letter to New Zealand Government to 'Fix the Economy'

Dear Prime Minister John Key and Deputy Bill English,
Please find below our suggestion for fixing New Zealand 's economy.
Instead of giving billions of dollars to the banks, Iwi's and others to be squandered on unearned bonuses and extravagant oveseas trips, use the following plan.

You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:
There are about 1 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them $1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:
1) They MUST retire. One million job openings = unemployment fixed ...
2) They MUST buy a new car. One million cars ordered = motor industry fixed.
3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage and the banks must use the money for cheap new loans for new home buyers = housing supply and affordability fixed.
4) They MUST buy at least $100 of alcohol a week = your money back in duty/tax etc.
5) They MUST buy some shares in the strategic NZ companies you propose flogging off, and hold them for at least 10 years = Retaining our remaining assets and more money kept in NZ instead of laundered overseas. NOTE: Of our biggest 20 companies in 1988, all are now owned overseas or controlled by Graeme Hart, except for Fisher & Paykel; and from just Telecom and the BNZ alone (and not even including the other 17 companies) $16 billion of dividends has gone to their overseas owners.
6) They MUST pay for their grandchildren to go to University = no further need for student loans and more doctors and nurses.7) Instead of stuffing around with the carbon emissions trading scheme that makes us pay for the major polluters, tell the greedy bastards to reduce their pollution emissions by 75% within 5 years or they'll be shut down = more jobs for inventive NZ manufacturers providing polution solutions and more tourists to a really cleaner, greener NZ.
8) If you need more money, have all MP's pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances.
Yours sincerely,
Your Employer 'The New Zealand Public'

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